I'm Sorry

 

I'm Sorry:

I'm sorry
that I bought you flowers 
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
With you instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been there all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your significant other with someone else and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

People always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in their head "I'm here" 
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

Who's birthday is it?

So yesterday I found myself in the middle of a discussion I’ve had several times over with too many people. Someone asked when my birthday is and I replied “are you going to celebrate for me?” Before anyone can even try to have an open dialogue on this debate with me; a question must first be answered within oneself. Who are birthday celebrations actually for? See in my new unit we are able to have our birthday off if I so choose. To me, this is simple. Stay out of work and do whatever I want…I don’t have to do anything in advanced in order to utilize this “special day”. With this said what’s special?  Depending on how you answer changes a way of thinking. I've had REAL arguments with MANY people over something soooo simple. So, I will explain my opinion on the matter and you do with it what you will.

Are they for the parent? If it’s for parent’s then that’s a bit more understandable. They brought a child into this world. The child has survived another year. They’ve been instilled with enough knowledge to make it to make it this far without dying. They also get to see what their offspring has turned out to be, what support they could use and appreciate good qualities. Cheers to those parents who should have and do have a reason to celebrate it.

Are they for me? People ask me how I’m doing all the time. All the time I reply “I woke up". People don’t realize I appreciate waking up each morning because I know someone didn’t, life is short, and not to even take that for granted. I’m an introvert. Saying “it’s your birthday you have to do something” doesn’t help with the social pressure/expectation of being excited. If it’s my birthday…I don’t want to take the time to think about what I want to get from others, or what I want to do with someone else. I don’t want to do set-up and preparations for any such “celebrational" event (dinner, party or otherwise). Let’s go out to dinner…for the 60^th year in a row. Let’s blow out candles…for the millionth time. Even IF someone else takes the time to sit and plan out a celebration for this day I then am obligated to doing what someone ELSE has wanted and planned for me…for me. If that’s not a true statement then I guess I’ll never get anywhere in that discussion. With this I should be able to do what I want on my birthday…right? How about I don’t make any plans…figure it out as the day goes? True fact: One birthday, I drove and I spent the first half of the day, in a courtroom, an hour away, with someone I cared about. I enjoyed that day. If someone is going to plan something, that I’m going to subject myself to; be creative with something truly out of the ordinary that you know I’ll appreciate. My perfect birthday idea is the simplest idea for a birthday…but difficult to put together. I’ve spoken it out loud…one time.

Are they for friends? Short and simple: If it’s to celebrate our friendship and appreciating each other’s bond…can we have a “friend-a-versary” instead and just pick a random day.

Last year, I worked a double. Only two people knew it was my birthday. Someone else again flipped out that I “threw away” a cookie skillet at work (I didn’t it was yummy). In between shifts I went to Riverbend park, and walked around the trails. After work I ate dinner and went to bed to catch up on some quality sleep. This year...I DON"T know what I'm going to do before I decide to do it.

I hope most can read this factually rather than me being a “depressed Debbie-downing-fun-sucker.”  I truly appreciate the thoughts, love, and kindness that family show; BUT I’m not special in my own eyes. Someone else’s birthday is also today, and someone else will have one tomorrow…and the world will keep on turning. I’ll celebrate someone else’s birthday, with them, if they to want to celebrate. Fully enjoyed my friend Jon's birthday on the water and just being there with loved one's. I don't like the fact that every year there's at least one person who brings up the topic of my birthday. Then upon making my opinion known, I end up having to defend my own viewpoint because someone has an issue with it; yet it has ZERO effect on them anyway. It's my opinion not stated as anything other than that...I shouldn't have to defend this opinion any further. This year it happens to be someone at work...who will it be next year?

Justin's rules

Never compare yourself with others. 
Do good service to others without expecting anything in return.

Don't take simple things for granted (This depreciates true value)

If I'm in error of someone else I must do my best to correct it; if of myself learn from my error.

Forgiveness is for MY soul not for someone else.

The path to hell is paved with good intentions

If it's not worth the impact; it's not worth arguing.

Knowing is half the battle.
If you can't hear...you'll feel

Don't sacrifice your joy to bring other's joy. I only get one life

Always put logic and reason before emotion. This yields the best solution for a situation instead of comfort-ability

I have two ears, two nostrils, two eyes, and one mouth. I must observe 6 times as much I speak.
I must mind my own business instead of putting myself in others. 

No one can solve my personal problems better than me

Assume nothing and question everything I can. Trouble follows assumptions more than miscommunications.

No one person, is more important than another (people considered family exception)
Compromise is always wrong if it means sacrificing principle.
Seek Understanding of other’s without discarding my own reason
Ask for help only after I've given effort and failed.

If I can trade in materials things in order to have internal joy...do it.

Patience: neither the best nor the worst of situations last forever.

Tell the truth to the people I trust.

No one on earth is entitled to my life story

I can work with you or I can work for you but I can't do both.

When it becomes important to you will become important to me.

A leader who does not listen to his people will find himself surrounded by people who have nothing to say

He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man. He who knows and not knows that he knows is a fool.

Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.

When the job is done... Walk away

Trust is the most expensive thing you can lose; because it can take years to build and a second to lose. 

Nothing worth having comes easy. Anything that comes easy...goes easy

Don't forget where you came from.

Those who forget the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat it.

He who guards his mouth protects his life; the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin.

Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man.